I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
