I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
