She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
