Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
