Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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