Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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