I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
