Apparently you make a good broom.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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