Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
