I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
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Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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