He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
