i just google imaged poop.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
