she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
