If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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