If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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