i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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