i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
