Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
