I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
