Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
