My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
