what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
