this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
