i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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