im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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