Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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