I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
