So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
