i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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