and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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