Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
