Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
