So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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