How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
