my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
