i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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