just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
