i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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