whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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