Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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