I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
