I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
