i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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