im about as happy as oj after his trial
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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