I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize