I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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