There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
