some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
