a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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