You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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