I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
