can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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