Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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