my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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