Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
