I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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