do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
