Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
