And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
