Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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