I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize