So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
