Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
