Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
