wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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