I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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