i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
