stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
