i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
