I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
