Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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