yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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