Porn is love you can see.
I think my vagina is haunted
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
